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Thread: Patriots Season Perfect For Rest Of Nation

  1. #1
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    Default Patriots Season Perfect For Rest Of Nation

    Hahhahahahahhahahhahaha!!!

    http://www.theonion.com/content/news...rfect_for_rest
    FOXBOROUGH, MA—As the once-invincible, still-insufferable Patriots attempt to come to grips with their 17-14 Super Bowl loss to the Giants, the death of their dream to go undefeated, and the possible end of their dynasty, almost every other person in America is reveling in what they consider the perfect ending to New England's season.

    "I just couldn't imagine a better ending to the Patriots odyssey," said Simon Williams, a Kansas City-area football fan who usually watches the college game but found himself caught up in the Patriots' sheer loathsomeness during the season. "The utter lack of humility they displayed alongside an equal lack of any joy in the game, that toad of a coach, and that cologne-ad quarterback… If they have to act that badly while playing that well, you really want to see them fail in the biggest way possible. Thank God almighty, that's what we got."

    There is general agreement that the Super Bowl, despite the low score, was one of the finest in recent memory, due in part to the fearsome performance by the Giants and a cool, courageous display of quarterbacking by Eli Manning.

    However, when asked about their favorite parts of the game, most fans chose the Patriots' cocky decision to begin the game with a trick play, which the Giants stopped handily; Bill Belichick's smug third-quarter attempt at a fourth-and-13 conversion, which blew up in his face, instead of trying a field goal; and New England's offensive line, which featured three Pro Bowlers, allowing high-cheekboned, doe-eyed, supermodel-impregnating passer Tom Brady to be hit over 20 times during the course of the game.

    "Did you see [Giants defensive tackle Lance] Alford smack Brady right in the face on that last drive?" said Bellvue, WA newsstand operator Christian Dansby. "Brady was almost offended. I think he forgot for a few months there that he was a football player. It was just perfect."

    "God, seeing Randy Moss do his weird chicken-wing crowd taunt when they scored to go ahead in the fourth was awful," said Jeff Lafferty, who watched the Super Bowl with rabid New England fans despite having known them for years. "What's worse is that the Pats fans ate it up. Of course, when Burress made that catch to win… Perfection. That's the only word for the Pats now. Perfection."

    However, most fans gave responses that had little to do with the game itself and more with the almost flawless joy of seeing the Patriots lose, as a team that has been insufferable and unappealing in victory instantly became inconsolable and self-pitying in defeat.

    Frequently mentioned examples of instances which, upon reflection, sweetened the Patriots' utter failure included the team's propensity to complain about unfair officiating after their victories; their habit of gleefully running up the score, which also resulted in Brady and Moss earning NFL single-season scoring records in blowouts; and of course, the players' and coaches' hateful attitude.

    "Come on, that cheating scandal to open the season and all they say is 'Everybody does it?' They could have at least acted a little bit sorry," said Milwaukee architect and sports fan David Engel. "They acted like a bunch of third-graders, just the way Belichick did when he ran off the field with time left on the clock. At least he shook the other coach's hand this time. That's a first for the big baby."

    "The worst part for me is that none of them seem to enjoy playing football," said Lexington, KY-area mechanic Jack Colgrave. "Even when they were winning, all they did was taunt—Randy Moss taunting crowds, Wes Welker telling people they sucked, Brady sneering at the very idea they might get beat someday. What a bunch of absolutely perfect ********."

    "Did their team plane land safely back in Foxborough?" Colgrave asked. "It didn't happen to lose altitude over Boston, burst into a cartwheel of flames, throwing players like Roman candles across New England, and then slam into few dozen loudmouth Patriots' fans houses? It didn't? Well, I guess no football season is perfect."

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    Good article, sneakers.

    This season, lots of people have been jumping on and off the Pats bandwagon, depending on what's popular.

    First with Spygate, everyone was calling them cheaters. Then when they proceeded to bash their opponents into submission, everyone was cheering them on as the greatest team ever. Then when they lost the biggest game of the year and of their franchise, everyone's been putting them down again.

    The Superbowl wasn't an easy win for the Giants, and the Pats didn't choke either. The Giants played as close to perfect as they could and barely beat the Patriots.

    Despite this Superbowl loss, I'd still say the Pats will be the team to beat next season, not the Giants. We'll also see a lot more of their running game next season to prepare themselves for the playoffs, not the over-reliance on a high-octane passing game. They just won't have the mystique of invincibility they seemed to have this season, but I think they'll be a lot tougher. They seemed to have lost some of their toughness in favor of finnesse this season.

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    Quote Originally Posted by omac View Post
    Good article, sneakers.

    This season, lots of people have been jumping on and off the Pats bandwagon, depending on what's popular.

    First with Spygate, everyone was calling them cheaters. Then when they proceeded to bash their opponents into submission, everyone was cheering them on as the greatest team ever. Then when they lost the biggest game of the year and of their franchise, everyone's been putting them down again.

    The Superbowl wasn't an easy win for the Giants, and the Pats didn't choke either. The Giants played as close to perfect as they could and barely beat the Patriots.

    Despite this Superbowl loss, I'd still say the Pats will be the team to beat next season, not the Giants. We'll also see a lot more of their running game next season to prepare themselves for the playoffs, not the over-reliance on a high-octane passing game. They just won't have the mystique of invincibility they seemed to have this season, but I think they'll be a lot tougher. They seemed to have lost some of their toughness in favor of finnesse this season.
    omac, you realize that was from the Onion, right?

    Anywho...hilarious...and honestly, not that far from the truth...
    *The statements above are my opinions, unless they are links, because then they are links, which wouldn't make them my opinions, and I suppose stats aren't necessarily opinion, but they are certainly presented to support an opinion. Proceed accordingly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Buff View Post
    What is this, amateur hour? It's TNF against the Jets and you didn't think you'd need extra booze?

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissouriBronc View Post
    omac, you realize that was from the Onion, right?

    Anywho...hilarious...and honestly, not that far from the truth...
    HEHEHE, LOL at me! I didn't check the source.

    But I have been reading a lot from forums about how glad people are that the Pats were beaten.

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    Quote Originally Posted by omac View Post
    HEHEHE, LOL at me! I didn't check the source.

    But I have been reading a lot from forums about how glad people are that the Pats were beaten.
    Yeah, that's about as truthful of an Onion article as I've ever read...
    *The statements above are my opinions, unless they are links, because then they are links, which wouldn't make them my opinions, and I suppose stats aren't necessarily opinion, but they are certainly presented to support an opinion. Proceed accordingly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Buff View Post
    What is this, amateur hour? It's TNF against the Jets and you didn't think you'd need extra booze?

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    Bill Belichick Sticks Patriots With Awful Game Plan In Ultimate Dick Move

    “A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You should see the look on all of your faces right now,” said Bill Belichick in the Patriots post-game locker room. “Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. ‘Oh, whoa is us. We lost. We’re not 19-0. Boo-hoo. Boo-hoo’ Ha! Losers. Outstanding. Here’s what you learned tonight: I made you. I f—king made you pathetic pieces of crap. And I can destroy you, too. And that’s exactly what I did tonight.”

    And with that post-game debriefing, every Patriots player learned the stunning truth: Bill Belichick had purposely installed a game plan for Super Bowl XLII that was destined to fail in order to crush the hopes and dreams of his team for his own personal amusement.

    “I have to get a picture of this. It’s just too sweet,” said Belichick. “Come on. Everyone gather together for a team photo. Anyone who is crying get in the middle. Seau? Get in there. Someone pick Seau up off the floor and get him in the picture. I want his big, pathetic baby tears to be front and center. Oh, man. Yeah. This is great. I’m blowing this up and putting it on the wall in my office. 18-and-whoa, losers!”

    After the team photo, several shocked players asked Belichick if he was just kidding. If the whole thing was an attempt, perhaps misguided, to lighten the mood in the crushed Patriots locker room.

    “Kidding? Ha! Absolutely not,” he said. “No way. I made you guys lose. You were like puppets on a string out there. You really think, against a defensive line like that, I wouldn’t go to max protect? Or that I’d leave Ellis Hobbs, an injured Ellis Hobbs, all alone to cover Plaxico Burress? Or that suddenly, after being aggressive on offense the entire season, I decided to dial it in and dink and dunk? I mean, jeez – when I went for it on 4th-and-13 when we were in field goal range ... none of you retards got a little suspicious of that? Really? After all this time, you really think I’m that stupid? It seemed so obvious to me. You losers are more gullible than that the ginger balls Roger Goodell.”

    With those players who weren’t already crying now wailing over the betrayal by their own coach, Belichick gleefully turned the knife.

    “Oh, and enjoy those three Super Bowl rings from earlier this decade while you can,” he cackled, holding his sides in laughter. “Because you won’t have them much longer. I cheated in those Super Bowls. Big time. And it’s all going to come out. That’s right – everything you have all accomplished in your careers is a sham. Everything you have worked for, sweated for, bled for ... is a lie. Isn’t it hilarious?! A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, man. I’m laughing so hard I just spit up in my mouth. I mean, Brady – did you really think you were good enough to win three Super Bowls? Really? Come on, guy. You were a sixth round draft pick, you homo. You didn’t even start at Michigan. Yet all of a sudden you’re unstoppable? Nothing seemed suspicious to you? What kind of fantasy world do you live in?”
    http://www.sportspickle.com/features...belichick.html
    Quote Originally Posted by Benetto View Post
    Orton can't single left handedly ruin everything on O.
    We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time. - Vince Lombardi

    *****************
    "I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
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    Quote Originally Posted by pnbronco View Post
    dang it go drink some Fireball and find your own dang chicken....

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  9. #7
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    I wanted the Pats to win. I actually bet money on the Pats by 12.5 and LOST a bet. I NEVER bet for that reason.
    "Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer" -Arnold

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    It's sad when fans from a crappy team like the Broncos have to live vicariously through another team like the Giants to lift their spirits.

    It's really quite sad.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WTE View Post
    It's sad when fans from a crappy team like the Broncos have to live vicariously through another team like the Giants to lift their spirits.

    It's really quite sad.
    Would you like a tissue?
    Quote Originally Posted by Benetto View Post
    Orton can't single left handedly ruin everything on O.
    We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time. - Vince Lombardi

    *****************
    "I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
    — Marilyn Monroe

    Quote Originally Posted by pnbronco View Post
    dang it go drink some Fireball and find your own dang chicken....

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    Quote Originally Posted by frauschieze View Post
    Would you like a tissue?
    No. You hold on to your tissues.

    You'll need as many as possible next year when your Donks fail to make the playoffs for the 3rd straight year.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WTE View Post
    No. You hold on to your tissues.

    You'll need as many as possible next year when your Donks fail to make the playoffs for the 3rd straight year.
    lol,

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    Quote Originally Posted by WTE View Post
    No. You hold on to your tissues.

    You'll need as many as possible next year when your Donks fail to make the playoffs for the 3rd straight year.
    Probably better than going down as the biggest superbowl disappointment in NFL history, the 2007 NE Pats.

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    Quote Originally Posted by omac View Post
    Probably better than going down as the biggest superbowl disappointment in NFL history, the 2007 NE Pats.
    I don't see it that way at all. If the Patriots got blown out then I would agree but it was a great game that wasn't decided until the end.

    Now if you want to talk about biggest disapointments of all time then all you have to do is go back to 1990....

    SF 55
    Donks 10


    God you guys suck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WTE View Post
    No. You hold on to your tissues.

    You'll need as many as possible next year when your Donks fail to make the playoffs for the 3rd straight year.


    maybe, but bring the party hats as we will own you once again like we always do. This time the canadians will get to see it happen too.
    The Plan at the moment:

    Draft: Trade a 3rd and 6th this year to a team to move up and get a 2nd next year (this will happen).

    Players I want:
    Jake Ferguson (Jake Butt) or Jelani Woods or Jeremy Ruckert or Cade Otten (owen daniels) at TE- All 4th rd or later.
    Troy Anderson LB 3rd/4th rd (yay Timmy!)
    Neil Farrell, JR DL- run stuffer- bye purcell

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    Quote Originally Posted by WTE View Post
    No. You hold on to your tissues.

    You'll need as many as possible next year when your Donks fail to make the playoffs for the 3rd straight year.
    Don't mind if I do. The end of the Pats season has had me laughing so hard, it brought tears to my eyes.
    Quote Originally Posted by Benetto View Post
    Orton can't single left handedly ruin everything on O.
    We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time. - Vince Lombardi

    *****************
    "I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
    — Marilyn Monroe

    Quote Originally Posted by pnbronco View Post
    dang it go drink some Fireball and find your own dang chicken....

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