Thread: Corny Christmas Jokes to share!

Hey, I had a grandfather that lived to tell us kids "corny" jokes especially at the holidays. When I share them it reminds me so much of him. Here are few and I would love to read others!

What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?

Santa walking backwards!



What do you call a Cat on the beach at Christmas time?

Sandy claws


What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?

The Christmas alphabe has No-L!

Entering the Pearly Gates

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

Answer... "They're Carol's."

Originally Posted by Jody

Entering the Pearly Gates

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

Answer... "They're Carol's."

While wiping the tear from my eye from laughter... I realized I can not share this one with the kids!! But that is okay.. I will share it!!!!!!

Originally Posted by schnooks1

While wiping the tear from my eye from laughter... I realized I can not share this one with the kids!! But that is okay.. I will share it!!!!!!

Glad you liked it. I have another one for you, but I will have to pm it.
I giggle everytime I think of it. And no, you cannot share it with the kids.

Originally Posted by Jody

Glad you liked it. I have another one for you, but I will have to pm it.
I giggle everytime I think of it. And no, you cannot share it with the kids.

I like that sort of joke

I just read my lad the first couple of jokes, his response:

What goes Doh, Doh, Doh?

Yup, Homer in a Santa suit

Originally Posted by Den21vsBal19

I like that sort of joke

I just read my lad the first couple of jokes, his response:

What goes Doh, Doh, Doh?

Yup, Homer in a Santa suit

Okay Twin...I will pm you that joke, but just know....
I don't go around talking like that habitually.

Dear Santa,

Listen you fat troll, I’ve been saving your bacon every year, being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and dressing in fake Channel at sappy tea parties.

I hate to break it to ya Santa, but it’s payback time. There had better be some changes around here, or I’m gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you don’t wanna be around to smell it.

These are my demands for Christmas 2007:

Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I’m sick of looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt? I don’t suppose you do.

Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!

A REAL man… I don’t care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him, bring me GI JOE. Hell, I’d take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boy-toy Ken. And what was up with that earring anyway? HELLO!?

It’s about time you made us all anatomically correct. Give me arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

Breast reduction surgery. ‘Nuff said.

A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher don’t cut it. I want to make real money.

A new, more 90’s persona. Maybe “PMS Barbie”, complete with a pint of cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips.

No more McDonald’s endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl complexion.

Mattel stock options. It’s been 39 years - I think I deserve a piece of the action.

Considering my valuable contribution to society and Mattel, I think these demands are reasonable. If you you don’t like it you can find yourself a new ***** for next Christmas. It’s that simple. As ever,

Barbie

Originally Posted by Jody

Okay Twin...I will pm you that joke, but just know....
I don't go around talking like that habitually.

:jawdrop:

I'm shocked

Originally Posted by Den21vsBal19

:jawdrop:

I'm shocked

I love quick-witted children.

Originally Posted by Jody

I love quick-witted children.

Even if it's directed at you, sometimes you can't help but laugh.....................or choke

Like the first, & only time James as effed at me, the first time he went on a log flume, we were floating round to get off, I asked if he enjoyed it (he was at the front and got SOAKED ) and he told me, in no uncertain terms that he didn't...........................I couldn't help it, it was perfect timing and I just

Needless to say, afterwards though he was left in no uncertain terms that such language would get him n serious trouble in the future

Den - sounds like you have a great time with your lad....
Kind of like my daughter told me today, prior to being taken out by one of my friends to Christmas shop....

"Mom, I'm going to buy you a new robe for Christmas!" with a proud smile.
Well....considering she STOLE mine... I think SHE'S getting a new robe for Christmas, so I can steal mine back!

Okay....here's a clean joke for the kids...

Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Doughnut
- Doughnut who?
Dooughnut open until Christmas Day!

Originally Posted by Den21vsBal19

I like that sort of joke

I just read my lad the first couple of jokes, his response:

What goes Doh, Doh, Doh?

Yup, Homer in a Santa suit

I like your lad's sense of humor! Good JOB!!

Dear Santa:

I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply.

I want to slap Martha Stewart.

Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it. Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country. Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with gracious living.

What have Christmas Day, and a normal day at the office got in common?








You do all the work, and some fat guy on the suit gets all the credit

OK not a Christmas joke, but this was the effort in my cracker at the works meal yesterday..................

If two's company & three's a crowd, what are 4 & 5????????????








Nine