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Thread: A friend of mine committed suicide, allegedly.

  1. #1

    Default A friend of mine committed suicide, allegedly.

    I’m still having a hard time with it even though I haven’t seen him in years.
    He married a woman who was physically abusive. He was actually a big strong dude. The last I heard he could bench about 400 pounds.
    I’m upset he stayed in the marriage. I’m upset he didn’t ask for help. I’m upset they had a fight the weekend he allegiadly did it.
    And the crap she has been posting on Facebook does not sound like a grieving woman.
    Why are women allowed to be abusive?

  2. The Following 6 Users High Fived Al Wilson 4 Mayor For This Post:


  3. #2

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    I’m disappointed I didn’t try harder to get together with him the last 5 years. I did try, but not hard enough.

  4. #3

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    I love you, fam.

  5. #4

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    We spend too much time trying to be big and macho instead of talking about our feelings. Men can be physically and emotionally abused. We need to push that narrative.

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    Default

    Leave shitty sitches.

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    I feel for you amigo.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sting
    "You know cos I just lost my parents--both my parents died in the same year...to this day, people come up to me and say 'my dad died and that album really meant a lot to me,' which is very nourishing {pats heart} for a songwriter to hear that your songs have a utility beyond just their own solace, that it actually helps other people."

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    Sorry, Al. Just remember zero blame or responsibility is with you.

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    Sorry man, that sucks.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Al Wilson 4 Mayor View Post
    I’m disappointed I didn’t try harder to get together with him the last 5 years. I did try, but not hard enough.
    I hope you aren't too hard on yourself with this one. Odds are, despite what allegedly may or may not have happened, he may have been very depressed and not many people can cut through that. I am currently dealing with a friend I have known since I was 15 who is very depressed and isolated. He lives with his wife but basically spends all of his time drinking in a basement and playing video games from what I can gather. She enables this behavior and it drives me insane. I'd say about 95% of my efforts to get together with him and let him know I still care about him are either rejected, ignored, or broken off at the last minute which sucks because he lives about 2 hours from me. I took a personal day off to spend some time with him recently and he cancelled on me on my way there which pissed me off because I have little time to spare off at work with a new baby coming soon.

    I still care and worry about him, but at a certain point you have to realize that some demons are stronger than friendships and though I will never truly give up on him I also have to worry about my own sanity and family. The sad truth is men are conditioned not to show any emotion and carry our pain in secret or we get made fun of or worse. It is a very shitty double standard and leads to a lot of depression and insecurity with many men. I don't think people even realize how a small compliment can go a long way. When was the last time you got a random compliment? I still remember one I got a few YEARS ago that made my day. That's pretty ****** up how walled off from emotion we are trained to be!
    Last edited by MasterShake; 11-01-2018 at 08:24 AM.

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    Al first off I am so sorry for your loss. Secondly strategic cyclical abuse especially emotional and mental abuse literally rewire our brains. I dont want to oversimplify but as a man who experienced it first hand in my first marriage, i can completely relate. The narcissist destroys you and honestly as a man it may be even more easy. Beacaus because it erodes masculinity and your sense of self worth. It reverses everything you think about yourself as a strong man. The sad thing is that the intent on the part of the abusee although steeped in codependence is mostly good. You want to be a good husband and father and thats why you stay. Guilt and shame are never productive man. Embrace the full ramge of emotions youre being pummeled with and do yourself and yiur friend the hinor of grieving. The blame game will do you no good at this point. It only defers the pain so you dont have to actually deal with it. Prayers for you bro

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  15. #11

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    Thank you gentlemen, I don’t think I’m blaming myself, just wish I could have done more. He was warned when she battered him this last March, but he still chose to marry her a month later. He cut off his inner circle after he married her (I wasn’t in that circle, I’m just an old friend)

    What is really grievous is he leaves behind 3 kids. Two college age girls and one boy who is special needs and only 13 or so

  16. #12
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    oh man, that is really sad and unfortunately far too common from what I hear.

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