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Thread: Cell phones and internet -- hurting human relationships?

  1. #151
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    This article contains some interesting observations about childhood and I am posting here so the smart people can discuss it in a non-political way:



    https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine...stakis/580426/

    We expect children to match adults’ capacity to hurry or to be still for long periods of time; when they fail, we are likely to punish or medicate them. Examples abound: an epidemic of preschool expulsions, the reduction in school recess, the extraordinary pathologizing of childhood’s natural rhythms. ADHD diagnoses, which have spiked in recent years, are much more common among children who narrowly make the age cutoff for their grade than among children born just a week or so later, who must start kindergarten the following year and thus end up being the oldest in their class; this raises the question of whether we are labeling as disordered children who are merely acting their age. The same question might be asked of newer diagnoses such as sluggish cognitive tempo and sensory processing disorder. These trends are all of a piece; we’re expecting schoolchildren to act like small adults.

    Adultification is a result of a mind-set that ignores just how taxing childhood is. Being small and powerless is inherently stressful. This is true even when nothing especially bad is going on. Yet for many children, especially bad things are going on. Nearly half of American children have experienced at least one “adverse childhood experience,” a category that includes abuse or neglect; losing a parent to divorce or death; having a parent who is an alcoholic or a victim of domestic violence; or having an immediate family member who is mentally ill or incarcerated. About 10 percent of children have experienced three or more of these destabilizing situations. And persistent stress, as we are coming to understand, alters the architecture of the growing brain, putting children at increased risk for a host of medical and psychological conditions over their lifetime.

    How misguided to take young brains already bathed in stress hormones and train them to fear low-probability events such as mass shootings—and how little most of us think about what we’re doing. Whereas much adultification involves subjecting kids to things we adults do to ourselves (sleep too little, rush too much), we are at some distance from the harms being inflicted in schools. Even though only a quarter of shootings that involve three or more victims take place at schools, we seldom hear about realistic live-shooter drills in nursing homes, places of worship, or most workplaces. They would likely inconvenience if not incense adults, and scare away business. But we readily force them on children.

    Our feverish pursuit of disaster preparedness lays bare a particularly sad irony of contemporary life. Among modernity’s gifts was supposed to be childhood—a new life stage in which young people had both time and space to grow up, without fear of dying or being sent down a coal mine. To a large extent, this has been achieved. American children are manifestly safer and healthier than in previous eras. The mortality rate of children under 5 in the United States today is less than 1 percent (or 6.6 deaths per 1,000 children), compared with more than 40 percent in 1800. The reduction is miraculous. But as in so many other realms, we seem determined to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
    “The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.”
    ― Ernest Hemingway

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  3. #152
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    All play is a preparation for adulthood. From playing babies to substance abuse simulation.

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    Sunstance abuse simulation?

    Is that a real thing
    "I may not be a mathematician, but I can count to a million." - Shannon Sharpe

  5. #154
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    Not sure if I necessarily agree or not with this, but found it interesting.

    Hell hath no fury as a bald man scorned.

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  7. #155
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    https://goop.com/work/parenthood/why...digital-detox/

    Screen time for kids is the worst. It’s frying their brains. It’s wrecking their lives. Except: That might not be true at all. In fact, screen time may not even be that bad for kids. It might actually be good for them. While screens and devices may be an easy scapegoat, they aren’t to blame for everything we blame them for, according to Jordan Shapiro, PhD, an assistant professor at Temple University and a leader in child development and technology. In fact, technology time limits and digital detoxes may be a parenting misstep. Instead, Shapiro says, the focus should be on cultivating healthy behaviors within digital spaces. Whether you like it or not, screens aren’t going anywhere.

    The real injustice is this: “We have all these parenting experts and doctors and psychologists, and they’re leaders in their fields, but most of them didn’t grow up in a connected world,” says Shapiro. “They didn’t raise kids in a connected world, and they’re just trying to use the same guidance and advice they always have without considering the new context.” The dominant conversation around kids and tech oversimplifies the role of technology in kids’ lives, reducing it to a distraction and a menace or, at best, a tool to be used sparingly and with caution. This is a parenting ethos for a previous generation. And most of us, without a known, actionable alternative, buy in.

    But there is another option. Shapiro, in his latest book, The New Childhood: Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World, makes his case for a parenting philosophy update that puts technology center stage. In 2019, kids need to cultivate social skills, media literacy, curiosity, and empathy—not only in their physical lives but also in their lives online. What Shapiro says adults need: an attitude adjustment and a digital parenting tool kit. His book—grounded in anthropology, philosophy, and psychology, as well in his being a father of two—dives into both.
    “The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.”
    ― Ernest Hemingway

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  9. #156
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    In my mind this is the de-facto parenting thread, so here's something else on parenting:



    https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/16/s...mid=tw-nytimes

    It starts early, when parents get on wait lists for elite preschools before their babies are born and try to make sure their toddlers are never compelled to do anything that may frustrate them. It gets more intense when school starts: running a forgotten assignment to school or calling a coach to request that their child make the team.

    Snowplow parents have it backward, Ms. Lythcott-Haims said: “The point is to prepare the kid for the road, instead of preparing the road for the kid.”

    In a new poll by The New York Times and Morning Consult of a nationally representative group of parents of children ages 18 to 28, three-quarters had made appointments for their adult children, like for doctor visits or haircuts, and the same share had reminded them of deadlines for school. Eleven percent said they would contact their child’s employer if their child had an issue. Sixteen percent of those with children in college had texted or called them to wake them up so they didn’t sleep through a class or test. Eight percent had contacted a college professor or administrator about their child’s grades or a problem they were having.

    At the elite schools, Ms. O’Laughlin said, a mother once called her to ask her to list the items in the school salad bar so she could choose what her daughter should eat for lunch, and another parent intervened over video chat to resolve a dispute with a roommate over stolen peanut butter.

    Learning to solve problems, take risks and overcome frustration are crucial life skills, many child development experts say, and if parents don’t let their children encounter failure, the children don’t acquire them. When a 3-year-old drops a dish and breaks it, she’s probably going to try not to drop it the next time. When a 20-year-old sleeps through a test, he’s probably not going to forget to set his alarm again.
    “The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.”
    ― Ernest Hemingway

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  11. #157
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    Quote Originally Posted by aberdien View Post
    In my mind this is the de-facto parenting thread, so here's something else on parenting:



    https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/16/s...mid=tw-nytimes
    The more I read about stuff like this, the happier I am with my parenting style. My son just turned 10 and I can tell he is striving for independence. We let him take himself to school and cross some pretty busy streets, and though I am nervous for him I try not to project that to him because I think that ruins confidence. My whole approach is to not criticize or protect him from every little thing because when the big things come he won't take my concerns or them seriously. Eventually I want both of my kids to know that if they screw up they shouldn't fear me and I should be their first call for help but I'm not going to be there to make choices for them.

    Respect is a two-way street. I tell my son already that if he ever goes to a party later on in high school or something and does something dumb like get drunk that I will be his ride home and we will talk about consequences in the morning. I'm not dumb enough to think he won't make some of the same mistakes I did, but he has to make them himself first. Our rule is that once is a mistake and twice is a choice, and I don't forgive choices. The other rule he will learn about soon is that I have no interest in being a granddad any time soon!

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  13. #158
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    Over the weekend, on Sunday, I saw a dad walking to the park with his 3-4 year old daughter. "How cute" I thought, until a saw them a little closer and for the 2-3 minutes I had him in my sight, he never stopped looking at his phone. I was on my way to the store, and when I got back, we live by a park, I saw the little girl playing and the dad sitting on the bench still looking at his phone.

    Now, maybe it was work related or something, but I doubt it. Take a look around the next time you go out to eat. 50-60% of the people are doing nothing but staring at their phones.
    Hell hath no fury as a bald man scorned.

  14. #159
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    Children's social media use has ‘trivial’ effect on happiness – study
    https://www.theguardian.com/society/...appiness-study

    According to Prof Andy Przybylski, coauthor of the research from Oxford University, “99.75% of a young person’s life satisfaction across a year has nothing to do with whether they are using more or less social media”.

    “It is entirely possible that there are other, specific, aspects of social media that are really not good for kids … or that there are some young people who are more or less vulnerable because of some background factor,” he said.

    The team said parents should stop worrying about how long their children spend on platforms such as Facebook and Snapchat, and instead talk to them about their experiences.

    “Just as things went awry offline, things will also go awry online, and it is really important for that communication channel to be open,” said Amy Orben, first author of the research, also from Oxford University.
    “The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.”
    ― Ernest Hemingway

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