Thread: Need some advice

Originally Posted by weazel

Waylon was the man! I always have some Waylon on my playlists.

If you like Waylon give Sturgil Simpson a listen, he's got that outlaw country vibe going on.

I am listening to Sturgil (What a name) and liking it. Definitely has that Waylon sound.

If you merely want to be rid of the problem then you've got all the advice you need in this thread. Tough love. Ultimatum. All of that. But I think it's easy for us to be a little callous towards Mr. anonymous burnout when we haven't heard a single redeeming quality about this guy. I'm sure he has a couple or you wouldn't have invited him to your home in the first place.

This isn't a 19 year old who is going to take it as a wake up call and get their life together - he clearly has an established pattern. So he's just going to find another place to freeload. Which is fine - if you merely want this guy to be somebody else's problem...

But if he is really your friend and you really want to help him then I'd try to help him understand how his behavior is self destructive and help him formulate a plan for how he can help himself. Help him understand some of the observations you've made since he's been with you and let him know you're telling him not to be judgmental but to try and help him. If you're prepared to let him stay until the end of the year than I think that sets up a conversation where you tell him he's free to stay as long as he's making some progress towards being self sufficient - but that includes a real assessment of his financial situation and employment. If he's not willing to commit to that then you can't just keep propping him up.

Originally Posted by WTE

I am listening to Sturgil (What a name) and liking it. Definitely has that Waylon sound.

Good man.

Originally Posted by Buff

This isn't a 19 year old who is going to take it as a wake up call and get their life together - he clearly has an established pattern. So he's just going to find another place to freeload. Which is fine - if you merely want this guy to be somebody else's problem...

But if he is really your friend and you really want to help him then I'd try to help him understand how his behavior is self destructive and help him formulate a plan for how he can help himself. Help him understand some of the observations you've made since he's been with you and let him know you're telling him not to be judgmental but to try and help him.

I think the only problem with this approach is that by the sound of it this is something that has been tried before with his ex. Ive also known him long enough to know that (and as i stated before in this thread) that he is who he is and this is the kind of lifestyle he wants to live. The fact that other people in his life support this is troublesome as well. Just the other night he took a picture of his guitar in the NY subway to which one of his friends says "Your semi vagrant lifestyle is awesome". I think we are going to approach this as politely as possible and give him enough time to get his arrangement in order. As Missy says he is almost 30 and we are not his parents so for me to try and give a lecture at this stage in his life is unnecessary. If he hasnt gotten it by now than i dont think he ever will but as many have mentioned it is time to stop enabling him. As talented and funny as he can be if there are certain aspects in his life he just chooses not to address than there really isnt much more i can do for him at this point. So either he takes it as a positive and moves on to someone else or he resents us but either way if its a choice between my wife and i and him it will always be my wife and i.

I was going to say much of the same, North, but didn't want to speak for you.

Also - you posted that at 4:20 AM. Coincidence?

I'm surprised you and Missy haven't had a Come to Jesus with him by now. It seems like there would have been multiple perfect opportunities where you guys were sitting around getting a buzz on; allowing the proper moment to open up about his complete lack of responsibility.

WTE your post started out like you were going to suggest a threesome. You pig.

Originally Posted by Northman

I think the only problem with this approach is that by the sound of it this is something that has been tried before with his ex. Ive also known him long enough to know that (and as i stated before in this thread) that he is who he is and this is the kind of lifestyle he wants to live. The fact that other people in his life support this is troublesome as well. Just the other night he took a picture of his guitar in the NY subway to which one of his friends says "Your semi vagrant lifestyle is awesome". I think we are going to approach this as politely as possible and give him enough time to get his arrangement in order. As Missy says he is almost 30 and we are not his parents so for me to try and give a lecture at this stage in his life is unnecessary. If he hasnt gotten it by now than i dont think he ever will but as many have mentioned it is time to stop enabling him. As talented and funny as he can be if there are certain aspects in his life he just chooses not to address than there really isnt much more i can do for him at this point. So either he takes it as a positive and moves on to someone else or he resents us but either way if its a choice between my wife and i and him it will always be my wife and i.

I hear you, I guess my point is that if you're going to give him until the end of the year anyway - you are in a unique position to give him some beneficial perspective. If he thinks you're lecturing him then it will probably turn out like it did with his ex - if he sees it as a friend who is on his side giving some advice, maybe he'd be more amenable.

Buff is out there styling. Northman is a good person...he told me I was a Viking...ergo he must be a stylegod.

Hey North, good luck.

Originally Posted by BroncoJoe

I was going to say much of the same, North, but didn't want to speak for you.

Also - you posted that at 4:20 AM. Coincidence?

It was more like 6:20 my time but that was pretty funny.

Originally Posted by WTE

I'm surprised you and Missy haven't had a Come to Jesus with him by now. It seems like there would have been multiple perfect opportunities where you guys were sitting around getting a buzz on; allowing the proper moment to open up about his complete lack of responsibility.

Lol,

my friend is a bit of an odd cat. One of his favorite things to do is simply to troll people including his friends on the web. He will just post some off the wall thing that gets everyone in a tizzy. The only thing i still havent figured out about him though is although he is very liberal he ended up voting for Trump. And im not sure if he just did it to troll people again or if he thought enough of Trump to actually put a vote for him. Just some of the things he does is hard to get a read on because as much as he likes to smoke weed and be anti-establishment i cant see any reason for him to vote the way he did. Maybe he just hates women. lmao

Originally Posted by Northman

Lol,

my friend is a bit of an odd cat. One of his favorite things to do is simply to troll people including his friends on the web. He will just post some off the wall thing that gets everyone in a tizzy. The only thing i still havent figured out about him though is although he is very liberal he ended up voting for Trump. And im not sure if he just did it to troll people again or if he thought enough of Trump to actually put a vote for him. Just some of the things he does is hard to get a read on because as much as he likes to smoke weed and be anti-establishment i cant see any reason for him to vote the way he did. Maybe he just hates women. lmao

Well he wants to be famous because he knows what that will allow him to do.

Originally Posted by WTE

Well he wants to be famous because he knows what that will allow him to do.

To live life without any real responsibility?

Originally Posted by Northman

It was more like 6:20 my time but that was pretty funny.

There is only one time zone...

MOUNTAIN!

You could simply start asking him to pay rent if you don't want to seem like you're kicking him out. Of course, that may backfire and he may finally decide to pay rent instead of moving out. Make him do household chores too just like a kid still living with mommy and daddy as an adult. Tell him to stop his pot use around the house because it puts you in jeopardy of legal problems. All these things are a way to convince him to move out without just saying ****.

Also, and talk to her about it first, you could simply tell him that it puts a strain on Missy and your relationship. It may not be true, but it's a good excuse to let him down easier.