Thread: Practical things (and lessons) Dad's and Mom's should their kids (daughters) before they grow up

Great question - At my house we are still focused on more of the "intangible" things - empathy, following directions, accountability, manners, etc. Doing the right thing when nobody is watching is a big one for me - starting to teach them about integrity.

I suppose some of the intangible things happen naturally based on our hobbies - so we took them camping for the first time last weekend and they learned about fire safety, pitching a tent, etc.

The most important things to me are the coping skills that will make them a successful adult - so empathy, active listening, following directions, critical thinking, etc. I think some of the more "task-oriented" types of things don't necessarily have to be taught by me, assuming I've provided them with the appropriate learning capacity and ability to be self sufficient. That's also partly how I rationalize the idea that I'm not very handy and therefore don't have a ton to pass along in that arena... I like BDB's list of actual tangible skills.

Also, they don't have fully developed brains, so they still don't fully understand cause and effect, concequences or half the life lessons we insist on trying to teach them!!!

Lots of great comments here - can't really add anything.

One of the biggest things I try to instill in my kids is "if you don't ask, the answer is no". IOW, don't just accept things the way they are. Question things, bring perspective, learn about stuff you're not familiar with by asking.

Originally Posted by Dapper Dan

3. Don't overreact to mistakes. This is another tough one for me. They're going to make messes. They're going to ruin their school clothes that you just bought. Kids just aren't careful, no matter how hard they try to be. Always be the adult and always let the kid be the kid.

I struggle with this one a bit - I agree with you, but I also think there is a fine line between over-correcting and tolerating complacency.

I find that kids really like to test boundaries, and the more slack you give them the more likely they are to push the boundary further. So with our 5 year old I've almost reverted to the "broken window" style of policing where you correct every seemingly trivial offense so that she doesn't feel entitled to to push her behavior further. But I think a lot of this depends on the offense... For instance, if she is being defiant about a directive then I have zero tolerance for that because it's entirely within her control - but inadvertant mistakes are bound to happen and those are the ones you have to let go.

Originally Posted by Valar Morghulis

Also, they don't have fully developed brains, so they still don't fully understand cause and effect, concequences or half the life lessons we insist on trying to teach them!!!

That's why you ask them questions and point to examples.

My sister has made a life of making bad decision after bad decision. So she has been a fine example of consequences. When the child asks why this or why that. Ask them what they think and why they think that may be. It helps them develop their own thinking and helps drive the point home to them. It seems to be working well for my 10 year old at least.

Originally Posted by Buff

I struggle with this one a bit - I agree with you, but I also think there is a fine line between over-correcting and tolerating complacency.

I find that kids really like to test boundaries, and the more slack you give them the more likely they are to push the boundary further. So with our 5 year old I've almost reverted to the "broken window" style of policing where you correct every seemingly trivial offense so that she doesn't feel entitled to to push her behavior further. But I think a lot of this depends on the offense... For instance, if she is being defiant about a directive then I have zero tolerance for that because it's entirely within her control - but inadvertant mistakes are bound to happen and those are the ones you have to let go.

You'd make a good communist president.

I agree, but the level of "slack" depends on the consistency and repetition of the behavior. Once mistake is OK, as long as they learn. Continued mistakes of the same genre is not OK.

Originally Posted by Buff

I struggle with this one a bit - I agree with you, but I also think there is a fine line between over-correcting and tolerating complacency.

I find that kids really like to test boundaries, and the more slack you give them the more likely they are to push the boundary further. So with our 5 year old I've almost reverted to the "broken window" style of policing where you correct every seemingly trivial offense so that she doesn't feel entitled to to push her behavior further. But I think a lot of this depends on the offense... For instance, if she is being defiant about a directive then I have zero tolerance for that because it's entirely within her control - but inadvertant mistakes are bound to happen and those are the ones you have to let go.

I think where each child is different plays a huge factor in what needs to be stressed and what doesn't. I feel like my 6 year old is pretty shy. Her mother and I both have issues with confidence. I'm worried she will too, so I try to help her the best I can.