Breaking: Implosion at Dove Valley
In what is the latest in a string of stunning events following the Denver Broncos playoff loss to Indianapolis, a nuclear-like mushroom cloud was sighted over the Broncos facility at Dove Valley this morning. Right-wing pundits label it the work of silver and black clad Islamo-fascists, while left-wing factions call for stronger regulations on the laws of thermodynamics.
Bob, a resident, said, "wow."
Forensic investigation reveals that the implosion was caused by a fission reaction initiated by large-forehead particles, which cascaded into a massive chain reaction when it hit the highly reactive ego-atoms at the core of the facility. The ego-atoms fractured into high-velocity other-gig particles that escaped at near light-speed to their soft-landing zones. This created an incredible, implosive vacuum at the center of mass, leaving a bewildered John Elway to simply thank himself in disbelief at the scene. The fallout is understood to be highly radioactive and possibly not organic.
Authorities have not ruled out a link with the events of Ferguson.
FEMA and Kubiak immediately responded to the destruction. Well, FEMA did. Kubiak was on an actual contender and couldn't be reached for comment. FEMA took a look and said, "f*** that mess."
As the mushroom cloud continues to plume over the front range, observers are left to simply marvel at the scale of such a catastrophe.
Originally Posted by Sting
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