Cutler and Josh Meet Scene One:
Btw........Ive never written a screenplay.
JOSH MCDANIELS AND JAY CUTLER MEET
SCENE ONE. ACT ONE.
Opening Scene:
Pan in from helicopter view of Dove Valley Broncos HQ into a singular window where we find headcoach Josh McDaniels standing, staring out into nowhere. Continue to closeup of his face behind the glass where we see he looks perplexed.
Switch to view of McDaniels back from across his office when we hear a knock on the door. McDaniels rushes to sit down at his desk where he grabs a pen, and shoves his glasses onto his face. He begins to punch imaginary numbers into his calculator with his left hand, while intermittently scribbling 'numbers' onto blank paper with his right.
"Come in!" he says loudly, but doesnt look up to see who enters. He continues to 'work' feverishly.
In walks our hero Jay Cutler. He's wearing an old pair of cut off Levis which are loose around the leg. Three inches of pocket corners are hanging down on each side of his shorts from inside the shortened pant leg. His back pocket is bulging with a huge wallet that can barely fit inside the pocket, and a silver bikers chain runs from the wallet to his belt loop. Hes not wearing a belt and the top button of his jeans is missing. His shirt is an old Namath jersey thats cut off above his bellybutton and a new red tattoo was still swollen with blood on his stomach that read:
Live Free or
Die Hard On.
On his head is a straw hat with a 'C' from the Chicago Bears that someone hurriedly sewed on......it was crooked. He is wearing silver and blue, pointed cowboy boots with the Detroit Lions logo on the sides of each boot. He also had on a wristwatch in which the face was a Tampa Bay Buccaneer. A huge gold chain with a pendant of the Minnesota Vikings helmet on it hung around his neck.
Cutler closes the door, and hes humming a line from Welcome to the Jungle by G N R.
"Welcome to the jungle babeh............uh huh.........it gets WORSE here every day...........but thats the price you pay boy............you know where you ARE..........???"
He plops down on the recliner in front of McDaniels desk, where Josh has yet to look up.
"......Youre in the JUNGLE BABY!...........Youre gonna diiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH IN THE JUNGLE! WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE..................UH HUH................A HEE HEE!"
He stands up and does some Michael Jackson kick/crotch grabs.....pulls his hat brim down over his eyes then begins mock bullfighting poses screaming "OLE!" and then finally ending up in the middle of the office where he pulls his hat off and tries to 'frisbee' it onto McDaniels desk.
Then he begins crotch pumps while holding the family jewels.
"JUM OWN!..............a HEH!...............JUM OWN!...................A HEE!..........JUM OWN IT!!! .....CMON GIRRRL!..........I THINK AH LUV YA!! .............JUM OWN IT-AHH!...........A HEE HEE!............DIRTEH DIANA.........HEEEEE!!........DIRTEH MCDANIEL.........HEE HEE HEE'
Josh McDaniels acts like he neither sees nor hears any of this, but lifts his head up while still looking at his desk, takes a big sigh while 'surveying' what he just did.......then says, "Whoa. FINALLY! Finished. Whew!"
Now that he has impressed the importance of the work he was just doing, he takes his glasses off to look for the first time at Cutler.
"Sorry, I was just crunchin some cap numbers and..........Jay??? Is that YOU Jay Cutler?????? OMG!!!! It seems like AGES! DUDE! COME HERE AND GIMME A BRONCO BEAR HUG! Or is that BRONCO 'BRONC' HUG.....huh? HAHHAHAHAHAHAA! "
Josh moves around his desk quickly with his arms open for a hug.
"William H. Bonney.........you..........are NOT a god." says Cutler squinting at McDaniels.
Josh closes the gap. Cutler moves like hes stepping into a punt, drops the imaginary ball, and then kicks McD hard in the nads.
Jay starts singing, " ......Lord I never drew first, but I drew first blood cause Im no ones son.........call me YOUNG GUN!!!!!"
"Aahhuuuuhhhhoooooooohhhh!!!" groans McDaniels. He smiles a strained smile and his face is turning blue.
"SON!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THAT LEG??? You just saved us 15 million! Im gonna fire the punter!!!!"
Josh, bowled over, hunches over to the phone and picks it up.
"Professor X? FIRE THE PUNTER!"
He slams the phone down.
"GIT R DONEs what my papa always sez, eh Jay?"
Cutler has a terrifying look on his face. Its a death face. Murder is in his eyes and McDaniels facial expression changes from smiling to fearful.......
A low growl starts somewhere deep within Jay Cutler. Somewhere deep in his most primevil soul. It begins to get louder.
"Jay?" says McD. "J......you ok?"
Cutler starts to turn red and his eyes begin to blur as he opens his mouth to let out a gutteral screech. He launches himself at McDaniels, quickly closing the distance.
"OMG HAAAALP!!!! HAAAAALP!! Get him OFF me somebody!!!"
Cutler has McDaniels in a bear hug, and it looks like hes trying to bite his neck vampire style.
"WHEMMPN U DOMMPH?? WHMPH OM DOOMPH??" Jay says.
McDaniels realizes he can still breathe and that hes not hurting anywhere.
"....wwwwhat?? What JJJay?? What are you saying?"
Cutler is bawling like an idiot.
"WWWHHHAAAAAAAA!!!!! WHYYYYYYYYY? WHYYYYYYYYYY JOSH???? WHATD I EVER DO TO YA PARDNER????"
The camera zeros in on a stunned McDaniels face. His features move slowly from shock, to compassion. He closes his eyes and wraps his hands behind Cutlers head and back and begins to pat and rock him.
"There, there. Its ok Jay..........its all over now.........it was a bad dream......."
CUT! Thats a WRAP PEOPLE!!
Someone else can write scene two.
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Originally Posted by horsepig
