Thread: Overwhelming Sadness

We had to put our cat to sleep yesterday morning. We are absolutely devastated. "Porter" was 15 or 16 years old and was suffering from two types of cancer and according to the vet, was about to enter the "suffering" stage. Being with him as they administered the "medicine" was so difficult, but we felt like we owed it to him to be with him at the end. I'm surprised by the absolute total sadness that's enveloping me.

I don't know why I started this thread - I guess I'm just looking for an outlet to express my feelings. I haven't felt this kind of emptiness since I lost my mom. He wasn't really my pet. He was my friend.

So sorry to hear this Spikerman - pets can so become like family. You enjoyed Porter for many years, and I am sure you have wonderful memories.

I feel your pain, Spikey. I watched my dear old cat Bismark come out of his
momma, and now he's been with me for about 12 years or so. He's lying here
beside me as I write.

Bismark has been losing weight, suffering diarrhea, and upchucking a lot, and I'm
afraid his time is nearing its end. I dread it.

So my heart is with you at this time . . .

-----

It's hard. I had to put my cat Jasper down the Monday after Thanksgiving. He was only 2 years old. He had been suffering for a couple of weeks before the euthanasia papers were signed. There was string in his feces, and even with an enema, they couldn't get him to pass any more. He was too weak to survive surgery, so that was the only option.

You're right. They aren't pets, but our friends.

Porter had a tumor in his mouth and Thursday morning we woke up and there was blood everywhere. He had been bleeding off and on for several weeks and we knew what was causing it. Two weeks ago the vet gave him "days, or at most, weeks" to live. We brought him home and called those days his "Make a Wish" days. He got to do all of the things he didn't get to do normally. He went outside every day, got to drink out of the birdbaths, the aquarium, etc.

Anyway, on Thursday when we saw the amount of blood, plus the fact that he was hiding in the closet (which he never does) we thought that was probably a sign. Our vet said normally when a cat hides like that he's saying that "he's ready". What made it tough was that as they brought him back in the room to do it, he seemed to be feeling better. The vet said, though, that if we took him home we would probably be back before the weekend was over. The tumor was just so aggressive. At that point we decided to go ahead and do it before he began suffering - even though he couldn't have felt that great since he lost so much blood.

It was extremely tough to do, and we feel guilty, but we're hoping that before he fell asleep he was enjoying being with us one last time. As hard as it was, it truly felt like the one last act of love we could show him. Keeping him around longer would have been selfish on our part. At least this is what we're thinking so that we don't feel so guilty.

Sorry for rambling.

I felt so guilty, too. I kept trying to convince myself that I shouldn't, and this was the last act of love I could give Jasper. I felt guilty anyway. When I took Jasper to the vet's office that morning, he was purring as the vet was examining him. All I could tell him was that I was so sorry and that I loved him. I also said that if he felt like he needed to go, that was okay too. Dang, it's making me tear up typing this. Anyway, I totally know how you feel.

Originally Posted by gnomeflinger

I felt so guilty, too. I kept trying to convince myself that I shouldn't, and this was the last act of love I could give Jasper. I felt guilty anyway. When I took Jasper to the vet's office that morning, he was purring as the vet was examining him. All I could tell him was that I was so sorry and that I loved him. I also said that if he felt like he needed to go, that was okay too. Dang, it's making me tear up typing this. Anyway, I totally know how you feel.

Thank you for telling that story. Maybe the purring is natural. I know that Porter could not have been feeling very well after losing so much blood and his hiding in the closet was definitely not like him. I'm just hoping the pain and the guilt begin to fade soon.

Originally Posted by Denver Native (Carol)

So sorry to hear this Spikerman - pets can so become like family. You enjoyed Porter for many years, and I am sure you have wonderful memories.

Thank you Carol.

Originally Posted by topscribe

I feel your pain, Spikey. I watched my dear old cat Bismark come out of his
momma, and now he's been with me for about 12 years or so. He's lying here
beside me as I write.

Bismark has been losing weight, suffering diarrhea, and upchucking a lot, and I'm
afraid his time is nearing its end. I dread it.

So my heart is with you at this time . . .

-----

Thanks Top. Just enjoy your time with Bismark. I'm sure he knows how much you care for him.

My kitty got leukemia several years ago. Would just lay down and stare in one spot all day. After diagnosis, I asked the vet if there was anything they could do. They said 2 leave it there with them the next couple of days and they would give it fluids and treatment and all kinds of crazy care. I asked it if would cure her. They said no, just make it's life better for a few days. I asked how much it would cost. They said $400 a day. ******* vampires. I asked how much to put her to sleep. They said $105. ******* vampires. Just to stick a needle into a cat. Anyways, I told her I loved her and I held her close while the poison when through her veins. I could see her eyes fade and feel her body stiffen while I held her. It hit me like a sledge, man. I didn't expect it to, but it made me cry. That little kitty would crawl up on my bed at night and press her little head as hard as she could into my face while massaging my neck with her paws, purring like a freight train, and of course drooling on me the whole time. Little sweetheart lover. R.I.P. Spartacus!

Originally Posted by atwater27

My kitty got leukemia several years ago. Would just lay down and stare in one spot all day. After diagnosis, I asked the vet if there was anything they could do. They said 2 leave it there with them the next couple of days and they would give it fluids and treatment and all kinds of crazy care. I asked it if would cure her. They said no, just make it's life better for a few days. I asked how much it would cost. They said $400 a day. ******* vampires. I asked how much to put her to sleep. They said $105. ******* vampires. Just to stick a needle into a cat. Anyways, I told her I loved her and I held her close while the poison when through her veins. I could see her eyes fade and feel her body stiffen while I held her. It hit me like a sledge, man. I didn't expect it to, but it made me cry. That little kitty would crawl up on my bed at night and press her little head as hard as she could into my face while massaging my neck with her paws, purring like a freight train, and of course drooling on me the whole time. Little sweetheart lover. R.I.P. Spartacus!

I know I'm going to sound like a big baby, but I actually started tearing up reading this. I feel for you my friend. Holding them while they inject them is very difficult. At least their last conscious moment is the feeling of being loved.

Originally Posted by spikerman

Thank you for telling that story. Maybe the purring is natural. I know that Porter could not have been feeling very well after losing so much blood and his hiding in the closet was definitely not like him. I'm just hoping the pain and the guilt begin to fade soon.

It will. It will happen when one day you realize you're not as sad anymore.

Originally Posted by gnomeflinger

It will. It will happen when one day you realize you're not as sad anymore.

Thank you gnomey. We just picked up his remains and it was very tough. I know he is not really in the urn (in a spritual sense), but it still feels like he is back home.

Originally Posted by spikerman

We had to put our cat to sleep yesterday morning. We are absolutely devastated. "Porter" was 15 or 16 years old and was suffering from two types of cancer and according to the vet, was about to enter the "suffering" stage. Being with him as they administered the "medicine" was so difficult, but we felt like we owed it to him to be with him at the end. I'm surprised by the absolute total sadness that's enveloping me.

I don't know why I started this thread - I guess I'm just looking for an outlet to express my feelings. I haven't felt this kind of emptiness since I lost my mom. He wasn't really my pet. He was my friend.

Definitely understand that man. When i had to Bastice down because of Cancer i was really emotional. I do envy the fact though that you had at least 15 years with Porter. I only got 8 with Bastice and i still think about her despite having 4 cats now. I made this vid shortly after she was put down and even now its hard to watch it. It does get better as time goes on but there are still those times when i think about her.

In the video, the second pic of her she is fetching a bottle cap which was something i had never seen before. But, our young male Azrael does it now as well. You also see her with Abigail, our tuxedo mane coon. Obviously, i threw in some references to Egyptian Mythology because i have a little interest in that. Either way, sorry for your loss Spike.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OTq1t58Ta0

Originally Posted by spikerman

What made it tough was that as they brought him back in the room to do it, he seemed to be feeling better.

Thats what i hated when i did it. Bastice acted just fine, she purred, played when she could, and acted normal. But the cancer had surrounded her stomach and so she was not able to keep food down and vomited everytime she at. She lost so much weight going from 18 lbs to 9 lbs before she died. I just couldnt watch her suffer anymore.