Thread: Parenting Thread

I thought we could use a thread to swap kid stories, tips, etc.

I'll start with this one. My daughter, 6, is a treasure. I love just talking with her, because she has a vivid imagination which frequently cracks me up. It also allows me to get a glimpse of what is going on inside that little head.

A month or two ago, she was walking through the living room with her favorite doll, telling it exasperatedly "baby, can't you give Mommy just a little rest. I can't do everything at once you know". I had to interject. The rest of the conversation went like this as I recollect it -

Me It sounds like you are very busy with your baby. Can't your husband help out some? (note here the subtle Dad propaganda, as he never discusses the possibilities of babies without husbands )

Nancy I don't have a husband anymore

Me No? Thats terrible! What happened?

Nancy He ran away. He wasn't a very good husband anyway, and I didn't like him.

Me Why didn't you like him?

Nancy He only laid on the couch and watched TV and drank booze and wouldn't get a job.

Me (starting to lose it laughing) Well, where is he now?

Nancy I think in Texas. Thats where he went. He wanted to be a hobo and not go to work at all. He got a new wife, but he's mean to her too.

Amazing and a bit disturbing - but still funny as Hell in a dark humorous sort of way. Mrs. D. and I were talking about it later, and when we tallied it up Nancy is the only girl in her circle of @ 6 closest friends with an intact 2 parent family. We wondered at the conversations the girls had amongst themselves, because there were a lot of specifics here.

I was drying my son off after he got out of the shower when he was 4 (2 years ago). He bent over, grabbed his balls monkey brain style and said "Daddy, these are my ding dongs brains." Little does he know what a true statement that was.

When my son was 2 and my oldest daughter was 8 months old I decided to try giving them a bath together. I put my son in first being the oldest and got the little one undressed and stuck her in the tub. All of a sudden my boy started sobbing, covering his face shaking.
I said, "Honey, what is wrong?"
He said, "Oh mommy, her potty broked off!! It is so sad!"

I guess I hadn't realized that he thought everyone was supposed to have a little handle to hold on to!!!

It is a story I recently shared at his rehersal dinner(a year ago) the night before his wedding! (We do get our chances to get even with our children for their teen years!!)

Originally Posted by schnooks1

When my son was 2 and my oldest daughter was 8 months old I decided to try giving them a bath together. I put my son in first being the oldest and got the little one undressed and stuck her in the tub. All of a sudden my boy started sobbing, covering his face shaking.
I said, "Honey, what is wrong?"
He said, "Oh mommy, her potty broked off!! It is so sad!"

I guess I hadn't realized that he thought everyone was supposed to have a little handle to hold on to!!!

It is a story I recently shared at his rehersal dinner(a year ago) the night before his wedding! (We do get our chances to get even with our children for their teen years!!)

LMAO! Wow, I will be a wreck when I have to go to my Children's wedding.

My mother is a big one for creative parenting.

When I was about 13, I threw a bit of a hissy fit at a horse show. Very loudly. Needless to say my mother was not impressed, and a tad embarrassed.

My punishment? I got frog-marched around, and had to apologise to every adult for making them listen to my outburst.

Lesson learned.

Originally Posted by Kapaibro

My mother is a big one for creative parenting.

When I was about 13, I threw a bit of a hissy fit at a horse show. Very loudly. Needless to say my mother was not impressed, and a tad embarrassed.

My punishment? I got frog-marched around, and had to apologise to every adult for making them listen to my outburst.

Lesson learned.

I Like that one. I'll put it in my pocket!

When my oldest son (almost 32 now) was in kindergarten they had a parent's day. The little ones put on a show for us, served us the graham cracker and milk snack and treated us to "their" morning of fun. Part of the program included each child standing up proudly to discuss "What I want to be when I grow up".

The children started around the room, each standing by their parents saying, "I want to be a doctor, a nurse, a teacher, an astronaut, a fireman, a daddy, a mommy..." so cute to hear them all speak so excited about their future.

My son was last to stand. He was a gifted child, but a normal child. I had not asked him this question myself so I had been anxiously waiting to hear what his thoughts were.
He stood up tall and proud. He said without hesitation, " I want to be a paleontologist when I grow up." He then turned to me and said, "Mommy... that means the study of dinosaur bones and fossils."

Needless to say I experienced the dumb and dumber aspect of being a parent. I just thought, this kid is only 5.. oh boy am I in trouble!!

When I was pregnant with my last baby, the ultrasound said he was a boy (he was). I tried to explain this to my 4 year old son at the time, but he didn't get it. So I told him that we took a special picture that could see the baby, and we saw the head and the arms and legs, and we also saw a penis. Then his eyes brightened up and said "That means it's a boy!!! " I said YES! And didn't think much more of it until a few days later when his preschool teacher pulled me aside and said "I have to tell you what your son has been saying all week. He said 'My mom has a penis in her tummy!'"

Apparently he told that to everyone he came into contact with.

A year or so my kids asked, when I go into my bedroom and lock the door why the bed squeaks. I told them that we have a weekly contest to see who can jump the highest on the bed. But its law that you have to be 18 to do it, or see it.

Originally Posted by claymore

A year or so my kids asked, when I go into my bedroom and lock the door why the bed squeaks. I told them that we have a weekly contest to see who can jump the highest on the bed. But its law that you have to be 18 to do it, or see it.

My friend told her kids that she and daddy were playing circus.

My youngest son (whose penis was in my tummy) always had a thing for head-butting people. I swear he came close to breaking my nose more than once. Anyway, by the time he was 3 I managed to get him to change from head-butting to "pecking" like a chicken. When he hit his own nose, it wasn't NEAR as hard as the head-butt. I congratulated myself until one night when I was sending him to the potty before bed (butt naked), he got to the door of his room, looked down and went MOM!!!! LOOK!!!! And he thrust his hips at the door frame and said "Peck peck peck! I have a pecker!!!"

Originally Posted by broncogirler

My youngest son (whose penis was in my tummy) always had a thing for head-butting people. I swear he came close to breaking my nose more than once. Anyway, by the time he was 3 I managed to get him to change from head-butting to "pecking" like a chicken. When he hit his own nose, it wasn't NEAR as hard as the head-butt. I congratulated myself until one night when I was sending him to the potty before bed (butt naked), he got to the door of his room, looked down and went MOM!!!! LOOK!!!! And he thrust his hips at the door frame and said "Peck peck peck! I have a pecker!!!"

HFS, that is hilarious

Originally Posted by bronconut

HFS, that is hilarious

I have 4 kids, so I have a million of these. Tell me if I get boring.

One day a few years ago I just got mad at all my kids for- well whatever it is kids do- and said "I AM NOT PLEASED!!!" And went up to my room. I do that instead of beating the kids, and there I think of devious punishments for them. Anyway, Mr.B came up to talk me down and after a while there was a knock on the door. Mr.B said what??? And a small voice came through the door "Is mom pleased yet???"

My cousin went through a stage of biting people when she was 5 and I was almost 5.

At a cousins birthday she finally bit me, and I promptly bit her back. As my front teeth were missing, and I have very pointy canines, I drew blood.
She ran off and told our Grandma.
I was asked if I bit her and I said "Yup, and she was delicious!".
So I got a swat to the butt.
Later my mum asked why I bit her, and I said she bit me first. I got icecream.

My cousin never bit anyone again!

So much fun when they make up their own words. My youngest at about 3 years old decided that since we had the words *somebody,anybody,everybody* that there had to be a whobody.

I was giving a baby shower for my sister-in-law and there were lots of out of town guests. One of them had 4 boys ages 3-8. While the gifts were being opened, we sent the children outside to play on the swingset. They hadn't been outside very long when we heard the slam of the screen door, my little one standing in the middle of the room, hands on her hips saying," Whobody belongs to that boy out there that gotted my dress all dirty? Whobody?"
I thought we would all die laughing!

Here is a video of her using the "whobody" word. She used to stand on the vacuum and act like it was a microphone. She had found a sucker and was trying to make sure that noone belonged to it so she could eat it. (she ignores her papa saying it was his sucker!)
http://s274.photobucket.com/albums/j...thissucker.flv