In all honesty...I'm DONE.

[Dr Velcro]

And lemme tell you all why.

No, the good Dr does not make an appearance here often, but I can't post on Br Mania because I am watched by folks here at home who like to hold things over my head.

Can't rant on myspace for the same reason.

So, my little forum....time for me to gripe for awhile.


I've had a lot on my mind lately.

Bad luck in general seems to follow me everywhere I go.

I think I'm cursed so maybe it's time to kill the happy go lucky Bunny named Fred and emerge back into the limelight as Dr Velcro.....my evil & emotionally distant alter-ego.

Yeah, lol....it works online, but in real life?

It only means I'm done trying to make things better. Done trying to keep afloat...LET. ME. SINK.

Lately, I've been a bit withdrawn. Tired, depressed, stressed out...this is the norm for me. Bad mojo is what I'm getting used to.


The great week I had not worrying about life has caught back up with me TEN FOLD.

I've been hiding out with a neighbor & some poker buddies the past few days & playing cards, drinking some beers, playing Madden after the boy goes to bed, not thinking about life and all the other things bothering me at the moment. I avoid & run from my own issues.

Separation anxiety got the best of me a couple of days ago and my panic attacks are back again.

I've tried to reach out and vent a little bit about my current situatiuons, but again....friends & loved ones get tired of the same old same old Fred the Bunny drama.

Always drama...for the past couple of years. I'm really kind of tired of being in a stand still with my life in general.

So I feel like I have, in fact, become the eye of the storm...always got some kind of issue going on.

I try to be good, but when I am....I get behind on bills, shoved under the rug emotionally, bad mouthed by my family members, etc.

I don't want to be nice anymore.
I can do no right at this point and I am tired of trying to be a good person when it obviously never pays off.

Sent my cell phone payment off last week & it still had not posted to my account so guess what? My sevice is suspended.

I'm gonna spend Thanksgiving without my child. He's going several states away with his daddy....a really bad driver...and there's not a lot I can do about it. I'm worried sick. Don't want to spend the holiday with my parents, who verbally bash me to anyone who will listen & seem to love to hate me. I'm not kidding...they are crazier than I am.

I have to find a cheaper place to live so that I can save money. I've looked at several places so far...all Ghetto-ish and not a place I wanna try to raise a little boy. I can cook & sell drugs there though!

Been trying to even find another job in my field, but there's just not a lot going on out there so close to the holidays that will pay me anymore than I'm making right now.

Feel like a mooch for getting help from loved ones. Solve one issue and another comes up. I just can't win. It gets old. I'm not ever going to ask again because the shame & humilation of asking people to bail me out on a weekly basis is too much to bare.

I just can't win.

Second job? Not again. I don't want to. I'll have to juggle my sleep & time & who's gonna watch my son....

I'm angry & bitter and honestly getting worse by the minute.

So I'm withdrawing, hiding.
Turn off my ringer to avoid those I love because I am so mad right now I don't want to lash out at anyone. I'm so sick and tired of fighting. I'm so sick and tired of the problems to be honest and lemme tell ya....I am sick of my own life in general.

So screw it, I think that down & dirty is gonna be the way I play until I get what I need for both me and my kid. Do what I gotta do to get by & then get ahead.

Screw it, folks....I'm done being nice.

I wish I could take my whole life back.

If God loves me so much, boy he has a funny way of showing it.

Metaphorically speaking....I'm off to kill a Bunny...

[Denver Native (Carol)]

Dr Velcro - aka Fred The Bunny - I want you to know that I, and I am sure others here, are always here for you, and you need to realize that. We are a post or pm away. Please keep that in mind.

[Mike]

Don't kill the bunny!

Seriously, I don't know you well but feel free to send me a PM if you need to talk. Don't give up and don't think that nobody cares about you.

[Medford Bronco]

Good luck Dr. V.. I understand at times where you are coming from

Life is hard and it sometimes seems that no matter what you do you cant win.
Like with our son with autism. No matter what technique you try
or situation to try to get him to listen and not lash out at my 4 yr
old daugher and us, it seems like it never works etc.

Then a breakthough happens and things seem good and then
revert back again etc. Same with my marriage. Seems bad
at times and then boom, we are in a good period as we
are currently and I hope to stay there.

I will pray things get right for you and good luck with everything
and especially your son.

I know that I do not know you well either, but you seem
very funny witty and charming from your posts etc and from
the pictures of you, obvioiusly attractive as well. :salute:

[anton...]

i feel for you vic...

but i cant exactly say i know how it feels or how to deal with it because i havent dealt with all that and the law says that i cant get children...

but please dont regret...

regret is like feeding fish who are already dead until the fish tank fills up with fish food and it will overflow...

where will the overflow go??

i dunno...

but i dont want to there to find out...

sadly i cant help you, only you can do that...

but please dont try and change the past...

you cant...

just move on and do the best you can from now...

once you have read this, do the best you can from this moment on...

its the best thing that you can do to get by...

and dont get bitter...

children are but reflections of their parents, and although your kid is a cool cat, dont make him the person you were trying so hard not to be...

you dont have to get grumpy and bitter...

and please, for your sake, try and recognise the things that go right, along with the wrong...

you may get plenty of red lights and think "why the f**k do i always get red lights?!?!?" but please make and effort and acknowledge every green light you get...

it gives life a little bit of balance, and yes, sometimes everyone goes through a stage where all you get are red lights...

take it easy greasy...

:hug:
________
Park Royal 2 Condominium Prathumnak (http://pattayaluxurycondos.com)

[Uncle Buck]

i feel for you vic...

but i cant exactly say i know how it feels or how to deal with it because i havent dealt with all that and the law says that i cant get children...

but please dont regret...

regret is like feeding fish who are already dead until the fish tank fills up with fish food and it will overflow...

where will the overflow go??

i dunno...

but i dont want to there to find out...

sadly i cant help you, only you can do that...

but please dont try and change the past...

you cant...

just move on and do the best you can from now...

once you have read this, do the best you can from this moment on...

its the best thing that you can do to get by...

and dont get bitter...

children are but reflections of their parents, and although your kid is a cool cat, dont make him the person you were trying so hard not to be...

you dont have to get grumpy and bitter...

and please, for your sake, try and recognise the things that go right, along with the wrong...

you may get plenty of red lights and think "why the f**k do i always get red lights?!?!?" but please make and effort and acknowledge every green light you get...

it gives life a little bit of balance, and yes, sometimes everyone goes through a stage where all you get are red lights...

take it easy greasy...

:hug:

Very well said, A-man! You are "old beyond your years," "old man." :2thumbs:

[Uncle Buck]

I wish I could take my whole life back.

If God loves me so much, boy he has a funny way of showing it.

Metaphorically speaking....I'm off to kill a Bunny...

Awwww, I hate to hear about things gone bad, Doc.! :bncry:

On the *brite* side, I must say, you write so well! <I'm serious here> Your writing is so *expressive* and *real.* Perhaps you should try your hand at writing for real (as in ca$h) "real?"

--just my two-bits' worth....

UB

[SR]

:sad:

Sorry V.

[Requiem / The Dagda]

An honest question: Do you see anything "wrong" about your lifestyle that would contribute to some of the problems you're experiencing?

[Jody]

Fred,

"Who" were you referring to 'watching over your shoulder' or your every move? I think THAT is what caught my attention the most in your post.

Honestly Fred, if you "give up" on being a good person, you give up on your kids...
It's not a very good goal that will lead to anything more positive and uplifting, for anyone.

Lots of people have horrendous situations in their life. Not to diminish yours, because I am not, but you have to muttle along, making your best effort, in spite of yourself.

[schnooks1]

I am a new member here, but in the last 49 years I too have come under the fire of life as many many others have. We sit outside ourself, wondering if we have the strength that it takes to even choose which fork in the road to wander down. You have one thing some are not lucky enough to have when they reach this point. A child!

No matter your choice so long as you make it for the best of your child you will not fail yourself. It is hard climbing up all the time and it is hard asking for the hand to help you up all the time! But you must take the hand, you must brush off your backside and stand tall. Each time you do, you get stronger but the best part is each time you do you show your child how to do it!

Bottom line is each day ends with a sunset and starts with a sun rise for a reason. At night, put that day to rest and when you wake up just make sure your sunrise shines down on your child. If it does you will make the right choice, you will be able to get up and you will make it until the next sunset. That is all we can do isn't it? You take care! My good thoughts are with you!

[Dr Velcro]

An honest question: Do you see anything "wrong" about your lifestyle that would contribute to some of the problems you're experiencing?

I see a lot wrong with my lifestyle right now. The biggest problem is I allow others to treat me the way I get treated. Therefore, I am my own worst enemy.

People go through bad spells, I know this.

This is a bad spell for me. Several bad spells, if you will.

It calls for me to shut up, get off my butt and find ways to make things better, which is what I'm doing.

This post is just about me falling off the horse & having a bit of a cry before I get back on.

Because I have found that when you don't get back on....you get run over.


Fred,

"Who" were you referring to 'watching over your shoulder' or your every move? I think THAT is what caught my attention the most in your post.

Honestly Fred, if you "give up" on being a good person, you give up on your kids...
It's not a very good goal that will lead to anything more positive and uplifting, for anyone.

Lots of people have horrendous situations in their life. Not to diminish yours, because I am not, but you have to muttle along, making your best effort, in spite of yourself.

Frankly, I was referring to my ex and a couple of nosey family members.
You see, I like to rant without hurting anyone's feelings here at home.
I use another board to kinda go off from time to time.

I introduced my ex to his current gf. She was a member of another board (still is & my bad) She reports threads to him. I kinda cut my own throat there, but I did a good thing....they're both happy! He's not in my life so now I'm happy! However, as with most ending relationships, there are troubles...things that come up and things that make you want to pull your hair out.

Good example, my ex will be taking my son several states away for the upcoming holiday. The car he has is not safe, but he insists on going....understandable...he wants to see his gf. I have a good car so I will be letting him take my car on the trip so my son will have a safe and fairly pleasant ride.

Seems like the nice thing to do, right? Right.

Now, let me go into this a little better.

The car my ex is driving right now was okay when I had it. It was paid off and there was nothing wrong with it. Ex goes through cars fast...often each car ends up with a blown motor. He has a long line of traffic offenses & is considered to be a habitual offender. I have gotten him out of a lot of suspensions & a lot of money has been paid for fines.

Before we split, he insisted that I give him my old car and get a new car....which I did not want a new car payment. We both needed cars though
(He'd gone through a car a year until this point). So, there you have it.

So now child support payment is not child support payment...it's car payment.
I could give him my car & let him make the payment....I could take my old car back. However, now it's getting ready to break down.

Yeah...

At times, it's just nice to go and vent. SOmetimes I need to get it out into the universe that I hate life at the moment.

Everyone has these moments...where you just want to explode.
I ended a really bad, ten year relationship this past summer and it's been hard adjusting financially. It has also been very hard keeping the gossip down around my son & making sure his sanity remains in tact.

On a romantic level...I'm okay. I'm over the ex and have been for a long time now. I am glad to be out of the relationship. However, there are a whole new set of issues and problems to deal with that I haven't the slightest clue how to handle. I didn't really expect to be single at this point in my life & I'd hoped on having a house by now & maybe even some retirement money saved up.

That's not the case. It's a little discouraging.
Another thing that has thrown me for a loop....my parents LOVE LOVE LOVE my ex now where as just a few months before, they hated him. He's over at their home several nights a week for dinner. It's pretty hard not to get support from your family when you decide to leave a bad relationship.

I've had my fair share of troubles, but at times it seems the troubles keep coming, as they do....I know.

Ex's GF would have read that & it would have been world war 3 here at home.

So that's why I can't post elsewhere. I just needed a gray area to vent.
I'm really gonna have to keep things to myself from now on. Going public with my issues is not going to do me any good.




I am a new member here, but in the last 49 years I too have come under the fire of life as many many others have. We sit outside ourself, wondering if we have the strength that it takes to even choose which fork in the road to wander down. You have one thing some are not lucky enough to have when they reach this point. A child!

No matter your choice so long as you make it for the best of your child you will not fail yourself. It is hard climbing up all the time and it is hard asking for the hand to help you up all the time! But you must take the hand, you must brush off your backside and stand tall. Each time you do, you get stronger but the best part is each time you do you show your child how to do it!

Bottom line is each day ends with a sunset and starts with a sun rise for a reason. At night, put that day to rest and when you wake up just make sure your sunrise shines down on your child. If it does you will make the right choice, you will be able to get up and you will make it until the next sunset. That is all we can do isn't it? You take care! My good thoughts are with you!

Your post is very sweet...thank you.

[sneakers]

I like Dr. Velcro better.

[rcsodak]

Welcome, Dr V! :welcome:

I for one couldn't stand Fred, but it looks like you, on the other hand, have a more level head, and know what you have to do to survive.

Stay strong, put on your armor, and charge life with everything you've got.

You'll do ok.

[SR]

This would be where I shut everything else around me off and just do what I have to do for me and my kid. Some people can't do that, but for what ever reason, ice in my veins is something I'm really good with.

[KCL]

This would be where I shut everything else around me off and just do what I have to do for me and my kid. Some people can't do that, but for what ever reason, ice in my veins is something I'm really good with.

Exactly SR...Nothing has and never will come before my kids.There can be
no other way until they are out on their own.I owe it to them for bringing them into this world.

Their needs have always come before my own.

[Jody]

This would be where I shut everything else around me off and just do what I have to do for me and my kid. Some people can't do that, but for what ever reason, ice in my veins is something I'm really good with.

I'm very good at this myself, SR. Sometimes, there's just no one who can get in your way of the accomplishments needed to be made, or they just want to fill your head up with more junk. Either help or stay out of my way.;)