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KCL
11-16-2007, 12:05 AM
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much
leave me the alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't
be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force". I t has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

Uncle Buck
11-16-2007, 12:13 AM
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much
leave me the alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't
be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force". I t has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

Well now, even tho that Columbus "got shot in the ass for tellin' that to the 'Indians,'" it was still pretty much funny. :laugh:

LoyalSoldier
11-16-2007, 12:14 AM
Never stand behind a sneezing cow.

(Really you don't want to.)

KCL
11-16-2007, 12:19 AM
I like this one....;)

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Uncle Buck
11-16-2007, 12:28 AM
I like this one....;)

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Well, this sounds like it's comin' from some lady who *knows*! ;)

Kinda-sorta on topic, I liked that line from "Private Benjamin" (Goldie Hawn) in response to "There are none so blind as those, that will not see.”

Her reply was, "There are none so skinny as those who will not eat!"

Well... it was funny at the time... guess you would hafta have "been there," mebbe.... :D

Jody
11-16-2007, 09:25 PM
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Uncle Buck
11-16-2007, 09:31 PM
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

AHA! I knew it all along... Just GNU that they were out to get me!! Please help me to fight this pernicious conspiracy... I want NAMES, ADDRESSES, and PHONE NUMBERS....

(hang one, while I make might nightly check for bugs...) :fear:

Jody
11-16-2007, 09:40 PM
AHA! I knew it all along... Just GNU that they were out to get me!! Please help me to fight this pernicious conspiracy... I want NAMES, ADDRESSES, and PHONE NUMBERS....

(hang one, while I make might nightly check for bugs...) :fear:

You like that one, eh?

Then you should *love* this....

“I'm not a paranoid deranged millionaire. damit, I'm a billionaire.”
(Howard Hughes)