Hawgdriver
08-21-2008, 12:58 PM
“I watched Bulger crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving.” - Col Trychon
Earlier this morning a gentleman asked me, ‘Juggy, what is BOO-yah sauce?’ ‘Oh, that’s what’s constantly dripping all over me.’ ‘Is it ectoplasmic, or otherwise salient?’ ‘Don’t concern yourself with that. Just…behold the BOO-yah…’
So that’s pretty much how my draft went, diamond pure. Yes, and there were some other people drafting alongside me; men of low character and easy morals (except Tned). All they could do was behold the majesty of the BOO-yah.
Right. Whatever. Let’s talk about everyone’s lousy draft, beginning with mine.
HAWGSTANK
Damn, I thought I drafted running backs. Then I looked at my roster and saw I have Jamal Lewis (used up, declining), Larry Johnson (chefs), and Ronnie Bourne, Jason’s unheralded black brother who left espionage work to collide with linebackers. Who is often injured or often playing for a disaster of a team. So I was sad when I saw I didn’t have any running backs. Oh, I left out Chris Johnson. There, now he’s included (who the hell is Chris Johnson and why is he on my roster? Oh yeah, this was when DF disturbed my moj-age by taking J. Cotchery the pick ahead of me. I think since I drooled on him, he should be mine. Of course I’m going to file a protest.
On the bright side, I’ve got Romo, who should be useful. I hope he throws every pass to Witten and Crayton. I hereby hex grandpa 2. And Housh Mazilli of the revered Tee-Jays (aa-oooom). That’s about it. I lose, game over.
EDIT: I think I just accidentally hexed TJ Houshmanzedah (zadeh?). damn.
Are there any other teams worth mentioning? I’m going to skip MTN ( he <3’s Vick & J-Walk, it’s cute). Also WAB and FM probably since they missed the draft (please e-mail your alibi to eatanuut@bahlikr.turd)
TRYCHON’S MARAUDERS
Nice pickups in S. Rice, F. Jones, and … actually, that’s it. I thought there might be 3 young/high upside players, but I see two. Ok, maybe A. Gonzalez might bust out, true. So:
Nice pickups in S. Rice, F. Jones, and A. Gonzalez!!
Good looking roster. Got Brady and Addai and Portis, three first round picks. Then comes R. Grant (iffy), and a trio of #2-ish WRs who should be solid.
All this, and Bulger with the first pick. Can you believe how insolent this man is, that he handicaps himself in such a brazen manner?
BAYAREABRONX aka Dog’s friend Dave (1 of 1)
[on Dave's return to the ship, after HAL has killed the rest of the crew]
HAL: Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
Yes, it appears BAB’s roster is littered with HAL droppings. Consider:
RBs: Jacobs (Bradshaw?), Graham (unreliable), Stewart (won’t start).
But:
WRs: Fitzgerald, Burress, Bowe
Intriguing team, I’m curious to see how it plays out.
HAL: I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid.
Next I’m going to report on ‘The team that made a Royal Reach’ snicker snicker, guffaw^3
CINNAMANLYMEN!
Dude. How many times do we have to tell you that you need running backs? Apparently not enough. I’m very disappointed in you, Cinnaguy! We know you can do so much better!
Wow, this parenting stuff will be a breeze (side note – my wife just had baby boy Luke a couple of weeks ago for those not in the know)
Well, it can’t be helped that your keepers were bloopers, so you had to work with what you…had to work with. Right.
So, Jay Cutler will surprise the fantasy world but not us. MJD should be useful but not rockstarish. FWP…I hope he delivers for your sake. K. Smith—where have I heard that name? CULL STON %colston% is a FULL TON of PAIN for his ENEMIES. Random punctuation engaged, hold on tight$. T. Holt <> PURE BONUS! E. Royal is flush with promise (##*&(=
(*@#&%R(@*#*(!%%^@E$Ñë╣É
{dies of grammatical asphyxiation…ass-phyxiation…love it}
I don’t know about your team, man. I think it’s weak, but I’ve been wrong once before. But it’s cool as hell that you have Cutler and Royal.
Who DAFTED® Selvin Young?
TNED’S BRAWLERS
Did. Risky but bold move going with McFadden and Selvin Young, two youngsters with some huge potential. Most…unproven. Maroney might not offer much solace, either. Solid offerings in the Vikes, K. Winslow at TE, and good WRs in the Great BRAYLONIAN, Welka, and Halle Berrian. Nick Folk should boot some extra bootay for the BRAWLERS. I like the pick of M. Forte. Galloway give some decent trade material or a good WR backup.
If these young RBs develop well, this is a dangerous team—for years to come.
EVERYONE ELSE
HOPHEAD74HELLION BEER PEOPLE – Marvel as Jericho Crotchery Absorbs Farve Touchdown Goodness!! Dude your team rocks, I like. Excellent move nabbing M. Turner week 12 last year. Real Coach of Genius! You might do better than you did last year.
As a side note, I would like to let you know my favorite piece of punctuation is the upside down ! Here it is, unframed and naked:
¡
Beautiful.
Ok, how about
EVANSTON JAYWALKERS
?
Or should I say,
¿
Gots da Mannings of BYE 4 (2x). Cool, cool. Reginald Bush, Julius Jones, and Rudolph Johnson, LLP, a law firm. Then there is grandpa 2, Offquan (¿Onquan?) Boldin, and Philly’s Curtis. Ok, respek- (that’s respek minus, as opposed to respek plus, or, better yet, respek double plus). I noticed there are also some other players on his team.
OVERALL
LT, WAB, FOXY, and HOPSTAR look good. Everyone else, not so good. That is all. (¡)
Earlier this morning a gentleman asked me, ‘Juggy, what is BOO-yah sauce?’ ‘Oh, that’s what’s constantly dripping all over me.’ ‘Is it ectoplasmic, or otherwise salient?’ ‘Don’t concern yourself with that. Just…behold the BOO-yah…’
So that’s pretty much how my draft went, diamond pure. Yes, and there were some other people drafting alongside me; men of low character and easy morals (except Tned). All they could do was behold the majesty of the BOO-yah.
Right. Whatever. Let’s talk about everyone’s lousy draft, beginning with mine.
HAWGSTANK
Damn, I thought I drafted running backs. Then I looked at my roster and saw I have Jamal Lewis (used up, declining), Larry Johnson (chefs), and Ronnie Bourne, Jason’s unheralded black brother who left espionage work to collide with linebackers. Who is often injured or often playing for a disaster of a team. So I was sad when I saw I didn’t have any running backs. Oh, I left out Chris Johnson. There, now he’s included (who the hell is Chris Johnson and why is he on my roster? Oh yeah, this was when DF disturbed my moj-age by taking J. Cotchery the pick ahead of me. I think since I drooled on him, he should be mine. Of course I’m going to file a protest.
On the bright side, I’ve got Romo, who should be useful. I hope he throws every pass to Witten and Crayton. I hereby hex grandpa 2. And Housh Mazilli of the revered Tee-Jays (aa-oooom). That’s about it. I lose, game over.
EDIT: I think I just accidentally hexed TJ Houshmanzedah (zadeh?). damn.
Are there any other teams worth mentioning? I’m going to skip MTN ( he <3’s Vick & J-Walk, it’s cute). Also WAB and FM probably since they missed the draft (please e-mail your alibi to eatanuut@bahlikr.turd)
TRYCHON’S MARAUDERS
Nice pickups in S. Rice, F. Jones, and … actually, that’s it. I thought there might be 3 young/high upside players, but I see two. Ok, maybe A. Gonzalez might bust out, true. So:
Nice pickups in S. Rice, F. Jones, and A. Gonzalez!!
Good looking roster. Got Brady and Addai and Portis, three first round picks. Then comes R. Grant (iffy), and a trio of #2-ish WRs who should be solid.
All this, and Bulger with the first pick. Can you believe how insolent this man is, that he handicaps himself in such a brazen manner?
BAYAREABRONX aka Dog’s friend Dave (1 of 1)
[on Dave's return to the ship, after HAL has killed the rest of the crew]
HAL: Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
Yes, it appears BAB’s roster is littered with HAL droppings. Consider:
RBs: Jacobs (Bradshaw?), Graham (unreliable), Stewart (won’t start).
But:
WRs: Fitzgerald, Burress, Bowe
Intriguing team, I’m curious to see how it plays out.
HAL: I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid.
Next I’m going to report on ‘The team that made a Royal Reach’ snicker snicker, guffaw^3
CINNAMANLYMEN!
Dude. How many times do we have to tell you that you need running backs? Apparently not enough. I’m very disappointed in you, Cinnaguy! We know you can do so much better!
Wow, this parenting stuff will be a breeze (side note – my wife just had baby boy Luke a couple of weeks ago for those not in the know)
Well, it can’t be helped that your keepers were bloopers, so you had to work with what you…had to work with. Right.
So, Jay Cutler will surprise the fantasy world but not us. MJD should be useful but not rockstarish. FWP…I hope he delivers for your sake. K. Smith—where have I heard that name? CULL STON %colston% is a FULL TON of PAIN for his ENEMIES. Random punctuation engaged, hold on tight$. T. Holt <> PURE BONUS! E. Royal is flush with promise (##*&(=
(*@#&%R(@*#*(!%%^@E$Ñë╣É
{dies of grammatical asphyxiation…ass-phyxiation…love it}
I don’t know about your team, man. I think it’s weak, but I’ve been wrong once before. But it’s cool as hell that you have Cutler and Royal.
Who DAFTED® Selvin Young?
TNED’S BRAWLERS
Did. Risky but bold move going with McFadden and Selvin Young, two youngsters with some huge potential. Most…unproven. Maroney might not offer much solace, either. Solid offerings in the Vikes, K. Winslow at TE, and good WRs in the Great BRAYLONIAN, Welka, and Halle Berrian. Nick Folk should boot some extra bootay for the BRAWLERS. I like the pick of M. Forte. Galloway give some decent trade material or a good WR backup.
If these young RBs develop well, this is a dangerous team—for years to come.
EVERYONE ELSE
HOPHEAD74HELLION BEER PEOPLE – Marvel as Jericho Crotchery Absorbs Farve Touchdown Goodness!! Dude your team rocks, I like. Excellent move nabbing M. Turner week 12 last year. Real Coach of Genius! You might do better than you did last year.
As a side note, I would like to let you know my favorite piece of punctuation is the upside down ! Here it is, unframed and naked:
¡
Beautiful.
Ok, how about
EVANSTON JAYWALKERS
?
Or should I say,
¿
Gots da Mannings of BYE 4 (2x). Cool, cool. Reginald Bush, Julius Jones, and Rudolph Johnson, LLP, a law firm. Then there is grandpa 2, Offquan (¿Onquan?) Boldin, and Philly’s Curtis. Ok, respek- (that’s respek minus, as opposed to respek plus, or, better yet, respek double plus). I noticed there are also some other players on his team.
OVERALL
LT, WAB, FOXY, and HOPSTAR look good. Everyone else, not so good. That is all. (¡)